8/15/07

-----A NEW AESOP'S FABLE
Mr. Rabbit was walking down the road when he spotted a crow at the tip top of a very tall tree. He shouted, "Good morning, Mr. Crow."
Mr. Crow shouted back down, "Good morning, Mr. Rabbit."
Mr. Rabbit shouted up, "Whata ya doin' today?" and the answer shouted back down was, "Absolutely nothin' Mr. Rabbit! Absolutely nothin' and loving it."
Well, that sounded pretty good to Mr. Rabbit. So he shouted back up, "Do you think I could do that too?"

Mr. Crow shouted back down, "I don't see why not!"

Well, Mr. Rabbit lay down on the side of the road and began doing absolutely nothing.

In 30 minutes a fox came along and ate him.

The moral of the story: You can get away with doing absolutely nothing, but only if you're really high up.

----THE 10 LAWS OF LIFE
1. When ones hands are covered in oil, grease, or glue, your nose will start to itch. (Law of Itchiban)

2. Your insurance will cover everything but what has happened. (Incuranctions So Sorry Law)

3. When things seem easy to do, it's because you haven't followed all the instructions. (Destiny Awaits Law)

4. The cost is always higher than one budgets for, and it's exactly 3.14 times higher, hence the importance of pi. (Law of Pi Eyed)

5. The probability that one will spill food on one's clothes is directly proportional to its need to be clean. (Law of Campbell's Scoop)

6. Each and every body sitting on a commode will cause the doorbell to ring. (Law of O'golly Gee!)

7. Wind velocity will increase proportionally to the cost of ones hairdo. (The Hair-Wind Principal)

8. After discarding something not used for years, you will need it one week later. (Law of Irreversibility)

9. Arriving for an appointment will cause the receptionist to be absent, and if one arrives late, everyone else else arrived before you. (Law of De Lay)

10. Do not take life too serious, because in the end, you won't come out alive anyway. (Law of Absolute Certainly)

----In his Sunday sermon, the minister used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his subject. After the sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies. About half held up their hands.
Not satisfied, he harangued the congregation for another twenty minutes and repeated his question. This received a response of eighty percent. Still unsatisfied, he lectured for fifteen more minutes and repeated his question. All responded except one elderly gentleman in the rear.
"Mr. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any."
"Mr. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"One hundred and one."
"Mr. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a man can live to be one hundred and one and not have an enemy in the world."
The old man teetered down the aisle, slowly turned to face the congregation, smiled and said, "I outlived every one of them!"

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